Cocktails - The Basics

So in case you haven't heard, there's some sort of virus knocking about and - depending on where you live - that has made it hard to go get a good, handcrafted, overpriced mixed drink. But, you can make fantastic mixed drinks in your own home that barely make a dent in your wallet. Will you have to purchase a few things first? Probably, yes. But it won't be much and it will last you, at least, a long time. You don't have to buy all the gear! Most of what you will need I guarantee you will have a substitute for in your own home.

I also want to say that all of my advice is based on years of experience bartending, but it's subjective. And bartenders are a bitchy breed and will always argue each other on fucking anything and I hate that, so there may be a bartender reading this and scoffing and to that I say - take your unnecessarily long beard and your vest and sleeve garters and royally fuck yourself. This is what I think is great and what works for me. But this is all about you - do what makes you feel comfortable. So let's get started.

The Gear

I'm gonna list what you'll need, and , if you don't fancy going out and buying them, I can give you an idea of what you might already find in your kitchen that you can use instead. A warning, however; there are no substitutes for some things, and if you are serious about making great mixed drinks at home, I'd suggest you invest in the kit.

Shaker - Your first stop. There are a few different kinds:

1. Boston Shaker - Half tin, half glass. Pour the ingredients into the glass, fill the tin with ice, put the glass in the tin, and shake away. The weight of the glass makes me feel secure with it, and also means your hand won't get too cold, which is beneficial if you're bartending 8 hours at a time, but less important at home. However, when homely advantage is that if you have a Boston Shaker, there is no need for a mixing glass, as you can just just the Boston glass for all your stirred drinks.

2. Tin on Tin - Two tins. This is great because it is light and easy to manoeuvre, and again, when you're bartending 8 hours a day, you're able to just throw them in the sink to give them a rinse, which you definitely can't do with the Boston (you know, with it being glass and all). What is also nice about it is for the amateur mixologist, you know to stop your shaking when your hands start to feel the cold. This is my go to, but you will need a mixing glass as well, because stirred drinks may require visual queues (until it becomes second nature at least).

3. Cobbler - I fucking hate it but, whatever. It's tiny and crappy and hard to shake the ice properly in my experience - you just can't smash it enough to get the proper dilution. The advantage is it comes with that little top that's strains your drink for you. But the amount of kitchens I've been in where this top is just firmly stuck on the shaker anyway, then the only advantage this shaker has is gone. Plus, you can easily freeze the top on there too, then you have to wait or run it under water - it's just finicky and I think it's shit and it annoys me seeing it in so many homes but whatever, your choice. But it's shit, don't bother.

4. Parisian - This one is fine. Not my favourite, again because I think it's just too small and weak. I like it bigger and bulkier. I see both this and the Cobbler as more 'stylish' options that aren't even that stylish and don't really have any functionable advantages either. Go for one of the top two.

^^^Stupid dog using a cobbler. This is why dogs don't bartend.

Mixing Glass - It's a big glass for making stirred drinks. You can get these for pretty fairly priced from most homestores. You also can buy some really fancy crystal mother fuckers, but that's unnecessary unless you're the kind of guy who's style over substance. To be honest, I'd be more impressed if a guy whips out a banging cocktail using a pyrex measuring jug - which is a decent substitute, you just have to be more careful when it comes to pouring.

Bar Spoon - Again, very easy to find and fairly priced. You can get them with spiralled handle, and some that are tubular. Some will have a muddle on the end too - it's what you prefer. Personally, I prefer the spiralled spoon; I think it helps with dexterity and it's more comfortable to stir with. Is there a substitute for this? Well, I have before used a sundae spoon as, essentially, all you need is a long, skinny spoon. But, for comfort, get a bar spoon.

Strainers - Okay, so, there's a few different kinds, and you will need at least one. I'll give you a brief run down:

1. Hawthorne Strainer - The most versatile strainer, and if you were only want to get one, make it this one. Essential for shaken cocktails, can be used for stirred too. It's a cool one to have, and just by using it in different ways, you can get a slightly different drink: by opening or closing 'the cage', you can let a different amount of ice or froth through (yes, I will be teaching you to make frothy cocktails). Get this strainer.

2. Fine Strainer - I used to call this a tea strainer but then I worked in America and everyone thought I was just another Englishman obsessed with tea. You use a fine strainer in conjunction with the Hawthorne. In my experience, I have never, and can never foresee myself, solely using this strainer. It is used to fine strain drinks (shocker). With shaken drinks, you can use fresh fruit or jams or mint etc., and with all that shaking, you will be left with some shard of ice, so you use this strainer to ensure you're left with a perfectly smooth drink - no bits, no pulp.

3. Julep Strainer - The stalwart. The Julep strainer came first, but is now used less commonly and for different reasons. Some will argue it's unnecessary nowadays and would only be used for stylistic reasons with a fond nostalgia of simpler times gone before. In this case it would be used by the same people who still use a film camera or record player or Nintendo 64. Others will use it for drinks that have more 'pulp' as it is simply easier to clean that the coils of a Hawthorne. Most commonly now it is used for stirred drinks. If you have a Boston Shaker, you will use the Hawthorne for shaken drinks in the tin, and the julep for stirred drinks in the glass. It helps you accomplish a smoother pour and, once you get the hang of it, is more comfortable to use (I think, anyway). There's many arguments for and against it, is it absolutely necessary? No, not if you have a Hawthorne. It is the star athlete at the end of their career; they won't be in the starting line-up often or even play a starring role, but they will be brought on to get the crowd going and show they can still do the job when called upon.

Muddler - Depends if you wanna muddle shit in your drink (I'm looking at you, mojito drinkers). It's definitely useful, especially when you develop a bigger library of libations and you want to mix things up. You can get them for cheap, or alternatively use whatever you can find that you can crush things in a glass with.

Jigger/Measures - Yes. Get them. Cocktails are all about balance, this is why we measure. We aren't trying to scam you or give you less alcohol or make sure you don't get too drink, alright big man? The world does not revolve around you, your shit stinks, and I don't give a fuck about you. It's about balance between flavours, and key to that balance is precision. It doesn't make you hard if you put in more alcohol, you ain't a tough guy, you just make a shit cocktail. Now, if you choose to use more or less of other ingredients based on your personal flavour preference - perfect, great, you do you - but you still need to know how much you're putting in so you can repeat it. I will give you recipes that are balanced, and if you want to lean those cocktails a certain way, then go for it, but before you can break any rules, you have to know the fucking rules.

Methods

There are three main methods to cocktails (there are more, but for now, you don't need to know about swizzling or rolling, alright? I'll tell you when you're ready); shaken, stirred, built. And they are all self-explanatory and very easy. I would suggest going on youtube for videos on stirring and shaking because it's hard to describe solely using words how to do it properly - you need to see it. But here's a couple things anyway.

Stirring - It's about delicacy and finesse. Ideally, you make no noise. Yes, it is possible. The spoon should contact the ice in such a way that when you stir pushing against that one cube, it all stirs. Also, there is a technique, and if you are moving anything other than your fingers, you're doing it wrong. You don't need your arm, and barely even your wrist. It is all in the fingers (don't be gross). But, I've been working in classy establishments for a long time. You know what - as long as the drink is getting stirred and it's getting the right amount of dilution and chill, who gives a fuck really? Your home, your rules.

Shaking - different bartenders will have different shakes, and again, doesn't really matter as long as you're shaking it in a way to break up the ice and dilute the drink. But in my experience, you use the 'figure of 8' method. You really have to youtube it, I genuinely can't do anything for you here, mate. Now, when do you stir and when do you shake? Well, that's actually very easy. Is there citrus, cream, juice, or egg in the drink? Yes? Shake it. You need to emulsify and aerate and integrate the ingredients more than a jolly good stir could provide. Are there exceptions? Yes, but not many (vesper, you dodgy fuck), so this is a very good rule to keep in mind.

Built - I don't need to say much about this one. Take the ingredients, and build it in the glass. Simple as that.

Glasswear

I'll keep this section short. There are many different kinds of glass that can be used for cocktails - even more if you consider what 'tiki' drinks are served in (maybe more on that another time...), and then I'm sure we've all been to cocktail bars that are way too fucking hipster and try and serve cocktails in tea cups and spheres and chalices etc. But for your home bar this is all you need:

Short

Tall

Martini

That's it! Short glasses for anything on ice (the rocks). Tall glasses for anything topped with soda or juice etc. Martini for cocktails served 'up' (using the stem so you warm hands don't play with the cocktail temp). That's it. Sure, I'm going to show you cocktails that are served in Coupes and Nick and Nora's, Julep tins, Mule mugs, and champagne flutes, and they will look super fucking swanky, but it's not that necessary.

One thing about glassware - martini glasses in particular - keep it cool. Not all the time, dickhead, but before you know you're gonna use it, pop it in the freezer for a bit, or fill it with ice and water and put it in the fridge. You want that cocktail to stay chilled, and we all can have trouble manipulating a martini glass by its stem, so you want the glass to be as cold as possible so the drink stays cold. You don't need to do this with tall glasses, and not necessarily short glasses, as they are made to have ice in there with them. But it doesn't hurt to chill them if you can. Plus, some cocktails served short absolutely must not be served with ice (looking at you, Sazerac), but, again, we'll get to that later.

Ice

This is the final thing that I'll touch on here. Some bartenders can be real arseholes about ice. I mean, some bartenders are real pompous arseholes about a lot of things. But ice is one of them. And also, in your own home, do whatever the fuck you want, it's not a big deal, but there are some things you should know.

Drinks call for different kinds of ice. Obviously. Cubed, crushed, big, little - the choice is often down to dilution and temperature.

Crushed ice is often used because it cools the drink, and the glassware quicker. Think mojitos and juleps for instance - created in hot climates, so you want the drink and glass cooler than ice cold, cooler than the other side of the pillow, cooler than Jeff Goldblum riding a motorcycle made out of blue steel through the arctic circle buttnaked with no hands, smoking his pipe and reading Hunter S Thompson... basically what I'm saying is Kentucky and Cuba and the Caribbean are hot as balls so that drink best be cold. Crushed ice has it's own problem though - dilution. It dilutes the drink quick. So you either drink fast and risk getting a bit too tipsy a bit too soon, or you get a watery drink. The only thing you can do is really pack the glass with ice. Like, pack it. You can buy special trays for crushed ice at home. Alternatively, not that big an issue. It's your home. Who gives a fuck if you put big ice cubes in a mojito - I won't tell anyone. I'll be watching you though... Always watching...

Regular cubed ice is obviously what we're all gonna be using at home, and that is perfectly adequate. I'd suggest using ice cube trays instead of buying bags because that ice is weird and can stick together and it's a pain in the arse. Cubed ice is great for stirring drinks as it cools the liquid and dilutes well too - but not too fast. Great for shaking for the same reason - it's easy to smash up and guarantee the dilution needed while cooling the drink, and it won't turn to mush and make that cocktail into a watery mess. You can also serve drinks on cubed ice (fresh, cubed ice - not the shaken shite) and that is great too - especially for shaken drinks when you might want a touch more dilution as you go. But, for stiffer stirred drinks I would suggest using one of those huge ice cubes you've seen (or spheres, Mr Cool). Stylish, absolutely, but they are also very purposeful. Very easy to find trays for big ice cubes nowadays. They're ideal because they keep the drink cool and barely add any dilution, unless you nurse that shit, you fucking lightweight. Sometimes you hear - generally older men - ask for just one ice cube because they don't want to dilute it too much. To that I say, that's fucking pointless. One ice cube is gonna melt quicker than a big ice cube, or even a glass full of ice cubes, and it definitely isn't gonna keep the drink cold, so what the fuck is the point? Clearly they just heard it and thought it was more 'manly' to ask for a drink that way, when actually they're just a toxic moron (unless you absolutely know what you like and you are looking very specifically for one ice cube worth of dilution and chilling. The previous aggression was not meant for you sir - I commend you for knowing what you want and going after it. Keep chasing the dream, bro).

That's the basics! I think anyway. Whenever I add cocktail recipes, there may be other things worth mentioning, and don't you worry, I'll mention them. But this is a good foundation, and will set you up well for all that mixing. Let's drink. Cheers!