Why Food & Drink?

Sure - at first glance, this may seem like another section that may not belong on a blog that talks about Fatherhood, mental health, and poetry. But there is a connection, and I'm going to help you see that.

I've always enjoyed cooking. I mean, since I first started cooking anyway. Again, my gender stereotype reinforcing high school (that makes sense, right?) didn't provide us with any home economic/cooking type classes. I mean, what are the chances any of the young men at school would grow up to be mothers?! Fuck knows how they thought we'd survive at University.

I started cooking in my first year of University. And much like everything else, when you first start, you absolutely suck. The microwave was a very close friend, as was the 'bake' setting on the oven (once I figured out not to just put everything in the oven at the highest temperature possible anyway). But now and again, I would push the boat out, challenge myself, see what I was capable of. And bit by bit, meal by meal, I got better. Even though I did have a 'pinch of salt' that leaned slightly heavy... Still does, by the way. We don't exactly 'season' food in Britain, all right? I'm still trying to figure it out.

There were very clear things I loved about being in the kitchen. Whatever I cooked was completely dependent on my mood - a reflection of my emotions. I fucking love that - I wish there were psychological studies into the patterns of cooking. That pervert Freud should've stopped banging on about dream theories and whacked an apron on.

I love the fact that my food is also a reflection of myself, and I believe you can learn a lot about yourself from cooking. Are you organised and ordered, are you a loose canon, do you like to lead or be led? It's fucking cool.

It's an expression of love. Nowadays, I love to cook for my wife and family. You know, show off a little while I'm at it. Choose specifically difficult things to cook, then underplay it's difficulty level, like it ain't no thing. But you don't have to have a wife or a family to express your love into cooking (that's disgusting, get that thought out your mind - don't actually express your love into your cooking, you fucking cretin). Cook good food for yourself - love yourself bro! You're very lovable if you give yourself a chance.

But most of all, I love to create. I love how in the kitchen you can start with a bunch of raw ingredients, vegetables, dead animals, whatever, and a little while later you are about to tuck into a piece of art. It's awesome.

I also love drinking and it's not just because I'm Irish (I am a quarter Irish, which means I can get away with saying I'm Irish. You are not Irish if your great great grandfather had a red setter - I see you, 'Irish' Americans.) I mean sure, when I was younger I'd be drinking pint after pint each with a whisky chaser (note the spelling of whisky - I'm a scotch guy), but as we have all found out, with age, our ability to drink such dangerous levels of poison has decreased. Then you throw into the mix waking up at 6am (on a good day!) to look after a tiny human who can't walk and falls over and shits themselves frequently, you definitely can't be still rat-arsed from the night before. I mean I love my Grandma, but I need to be sober to put up with her constant shite. (Obviously joking - I'm talking about my wife).

When you get older, you also realise (or you fucking better have) that you would rather have a couple of fucking good drinks, rather than wasting your time on piss-water and paint stripper. I have years and years of experience in bartending - great cocktail bars in the UK and US, and I would love to share some tips and recipes with you, so you can make a fucking banging drink, and be proud of yourself after a long, hard day. I'll be talking classic cocktails, and some of my own concoctions too. A great cocktail shouldn't cost you £12 ($15) - you should be able to buy the stuff and make it for a fraction of that while sat on your comfy couch, watching 'The Wire' for the third time, trying to explain what the fuck is going on to your attention deficit partner. Who feels me?

And it's the same with food. I am not here to put up recipes on how to make decent, healthy, low cost meals for you and the family in under 20 minutes. There's enough of that out there, go suck Jamie Oliver's cock if you want that stuff (still haven't forgiven you for taking away our Turkey Twizzlers you monster! But seriously, thanks for clearing up my arteries.). I want to give you some tips and recipes to create something that you can really fucking enjoy. This isn't gonna be every night of the week - fuck that, ain't nobody got time for that. This is to get yourself out of your headspace, free yourself, get creative, and present something delicious to the people you love most in the world. If you're like me, you still wanna surprise and impress your partner every single day, because you love them so much and are really insecure and desperately want to prove your worth.

'Look at this incredible meal I made, accompanied with a delightful cocktail! Now eat up so we can go shag.' - Please note; no bribery must be involved and consent must always be verbally given for the after dinner snack (my wife's pet name, by the way).

Trust me - cooking food, mixing drinks - it's artistic, it's expressionistic, it's creative, it's curative, and most of all, it's freeing. And it feels great. And if it goes a bit wrong? Fuck it. Don't stress. They can't all be winners. If you enjoy the process, there'll always be something to smile about afterwards. Even if it is your own fuck-ups. You useless twat.